The Stereotypical SnK Fanfic (VariousxReader)CRACK

The cadets chatted away merrily in the dining hall of the Survey Corps head quarters. The Shinganshina trio sat by themselves in a corner of the room because they cannot be bothered to make many other friends. 

"But then, Captain Levi swung across on his 3DMG, and holy BISCUITS IT WAS JUST SO AMAZING!!!!!!!1!!1! I mean if it weren't for all the shipping wars and Mikasa, I would totally let him touch my D." 

"You mean your 3DMG?" Armin squeaked out as he looked up from a book, one among the many about the outside world he had even though they were illegal and more than likely confiscated or ruined. 

"Oh yeah, that too." Eren added as his beautiful turquoise/green/teal/blue/canonically grey eyes beamed. 

"But Eren," Mikasa interrupted quietly, "Our fates are intertwined in a way that makes the viewers believe we may be in love with each other even though you're all I have left in this world." 

"A-And me..." Armin pointed out as he internally screamed, "Ugh, first I get replaced by Levi in the official arts and now this crud. I exist, dammit!" Armin gasped as his eyes widened, "I cursed." 

"Armin, it's no big deal..." Eren furrowed his eyebrows at his blond little coconut of a friend.

"I SAID A BAD WORD!" 

"A-Armin?" 

"I SAID A NO-NO WORD!!" 

"Armin, bestie! Calm yo tits! This ain't the end of the world!" 

"EREN, I APPRECIATE IT! I APPRECIATE IT! BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE! THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TITANS-" 

Eren's eyes broadened in sheer anger, "TITANS!! TITANS ARE MY TRIGGER."

Eren yelled ferociously, "I'll kill all the titans! By myself, if necessary! Because, I, am a titan and I can do that! But it also causes me to become angry and have several internal conflicts along with my post traumatic stress disorder which the fans do not realize everyone in this damn show has. The others who can relate with me on this are the other titan shifters who are ****** and **** and ********* and so was ****** and ** ****. But some people don't realize that NOT EVERYONE IS CAUGHT UP WITH THE MANGA AND DON'T TAG THEIR SHIT!! THE ONLY THINGS THAT ARE ALLOWED ARE ANYTHING WITHIN THE ANIME!" 

"omg eren stfu with your dumb face." 

Eren turned towards the source of the voice and there sat Jean. He was less of a douche since Marco passed but still a bit of a douche but a lot less and it was not solely because of Marco btw. Freckled Jesus wasn't the only reason for Jean's character development. 

"What is it, Horse Face?" 

"Oh my God, why is that your only damn insult for me? You literally mentioned my face a max of three times in the damn anime. Why is that your only insult? You could do something based off of Mikasa or your higher ranking EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT BECAUSE YOUR ENTIRE TEAM DIED WHEN WE HAD TO GO FIGHT OFF THE TITANS AND TECHNICALLY, YOU SHOULD BE DEAD TOO. My team only received one fucking casualty and tbh no one is a hundred percent sure who killed Marco. Might have been a titan or it might have been Annie a.k.a Bitch Face McGee, it's up to speculation." 

"You know, Horsey, a good percentage of the fandom thinks you were boning Marco and I'm jumping into that because you very well could have." 

Jean groaned and ran a hand through his hair, "Okay, okay. First, don't criticize the Jean x Marco shippers whether this is their one true pairing or just a ship they think is cute, or shippers in general, or homosexuality because you need to respect a person's way of life and their sexuality. Secondly, many of the fans would like to forget about Marco's death, as would I. For them, they write fanfiction and draw fanart and make doujinshis and stuff." 

Mikasa appeared besides Eren who had considerably calmed down because he apparently hates Jean and wants nothing to do with him, although they respect one another and work well together as seen in an OVA.

Anyway, the rest of the crew were now listening in and began to crowd around the long faced teen. 

"G-G-Go o-o-on," The tall Bertholdt stuttered, even though he doesn't have a fucking speech disorder but is only shy. Bertolt sat next to Reiner with a sweat. Berthold then began to chew his bottom lip as he fumbled with his sweating hands. 

"Okay, so fanfictions are the written shit with a person's one true pairing. My personal favorite, and also for some reason we have modern day inventions when we live in the 800s, being the explicit ones in Archive of Our Own," He coughed for a brief moment, "I mean there are some others like All the Stars in Texas or Like a Drum or Wisteria. Then, the art made by fans and doujins are like mangas which confused the author of this story immensely upon first seeing them." 

The group nodded before the giant pectoral muscle of Reiner laughed extremely fucking loud, "That's great! I mean, especially for me and Bertl. In almost every college fic, we either are dating and have amazing sex or we're just best friends who have no worries. Fucking amazing. Oh, look, a butt..." 

"Get away from my Christa!" The freckled girl spoke. 

"Y-Ymir-sama, it's okay." Krista smiled like a goddess. 

"I was talking about Bertl," Reiner explained confused.

"That's pretty amazing, Jeanbo," Sasha grinned broadly as she ate some more food. Potatoes. Because that's all she ever fucking eats. eats a potato one damn time and that is what happens.

"Oh yeah, in college fics, typically Jean x Marco, Sasha and I have the same thing Reiner and Bertholdt have. It's pretty chill." Connie shrugged before flipping into a crane pose for no reason.

Suddenly, Levi and Hanji walked in. The group turned towards them with fearful expressions. 

"Tch, brats," Levi sneered with his face stoic as usual. 

"Levi, lighten up!~" Hanji grinned madly although they are not mad/crazy in anyway whatsoever. 

"Tch, no." 

"Captain Levi!" Eren gasped as his eyes turned into giant hearts and he hugged the man. 

"Tch, brat, why the fuck are you doing this? Tch, you're going to get your bratty germs on me. Tch, get me some cleaner." 

"Oh, but you're so cool!~" 

Mikasa pouted wishing she could receive the love Levi got. Levi Ackerman. not levi rivalle. 

~*~*~*~

Amari typed away as she grew angrier with every sentence, "This fucking fandom, I swear." She typed out her frustrations as [Name] peaked over her shoulder. 

"What are you writing?" 

Amari shuddered, "Back up, please. Hate it when people breathe down my neck." 

"Sorry." 

"It's an x reader." Amari leaned back in her chair to let you examine the story. 

"Um, Amari, this is just you complaining...a lot." You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. 

"No, it's the stereotypes of the characters and what the fandom believes." Amari growled. "Also, why do people think Levi's name is Rivaille? Midget bitch ain't thirty, that's just a headcanon, and he probably isn't French. Also, Rivaille is just an interpretation of his first name. His last is Ackerman." 

"Amari, you are his height, you know..."

Amari pouted with frustration and leaned against your arm. You sighed and patted her head, "There, there. But, where's the reader?" 

"She'll be in there." 

"But, isn't this a various..." 

"Writing is hard and I'm depressed babe!" She huffed and ate another bite of her pickle. It was odd to see food randomly by her but she wouldn't eat otherwise. "Help?"

You cringed at her pathetic face as she pleaded. The dark circles under her eyes showing how much she wanted her watchers to be impressed. She really wasn't lying. 

"Okay," You sighed as she grinned. The smile didn't reach her dark brown eyes but at least her dimples showed, which was a rare thing as she usually kept a straight face. "Try this." You leaned over and began to type. 

~*~*~*~

You burst into the dining hall with a pant and a stack of papers in your hand. Everyone looked at you as the boys practically worship your presence.

"Oh, my beautiful darling!" Eren grinned even though he was so OOC it burned. He hugged you as you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around you. You squirmed out of Reiner's grip as Armin and Bertholdt approached you nervously and with small waves. 

"H-Hi!" You squeaked out as you ran to Hanji for help, who merely shrugged and ran off with the papers as she wanted to capture a titan anyways. 

The next person you faced had gleaming amber eyes. He tried to speak but only a braying noise came out. 

"I thought you were a horse, Jean! Quit acting like an ass!" Eren chuckled and screamed as he heard Hanji yell about titans once more. 

Suddenly, you were in the arms of Humanity's Strongest, "L-Levi-sama..." 

"Tch, brat," He murmured before kissing you in a way that made your heart go doki doki. 

FIN.

~*~*~*~

"Amazing," Amari chuckled at the pun. She sipped some more of her chamomile tea before yawning. 

"Go to sleep." You instructed as you watched her crawl into her bed as you uploaded the story onto this website. But before you did, you decided to add another stereotypical thing to the brown skinned girl's story. 

Add the author into the story for no apparent reason.